Master I love you
by Other Promise
Summary: Zero had loved Toga since he had been a boy. Zero knew it was stupid—Knew he was stupid for chasing after him like a love sick puppy, happy to just be in his presence. It was pathetic, but he couldn't stop loving his master.


**Disclaimer:** Vampire Knight and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Matsuri Hino.

**Rating: M, for language, Relationship with underage teen, hints at sex (No lemon, sorry.), and to be on the safe side.**

The room was filled with the smell of sweat and alcohol, almost suffocating in the small bar, mixed with the smell of cigarettes. The lighting was dim, and yellow, with flickers of green and blue from the TV on the far wall with a game on, most eyes on it. Drunks talked amongst themselves, all too loudly, unaware of their own slurred voices. The room was placed nicely, most tables filled up and the bar. Odd shadows were cast from the candles on the tables, dancing on walls. It felt like a fake attempt to make the place feel more inviting and hid the dirty stench of it.

This was the type of place Zero hated. It was filled with drunks unaware of anything around themselves and drinking themselves blind, to forget what happened that day to themselves. Zero had been to bars before, but he would of never gone to this one had he not been forced there by his two hunter companies, who had dragged him along.

Zero was seated at a round table; to his right was Toga, eyes on the game on the TV, and a drink close at hand. Kaito was to the left, looking all too comfortable and at ease. It had been his idea for the get together at the bar, even picking it out himself, yet he hadn't even had a drink yet.

It had been out of the blue, the invite from Kaito. Zero had gotten it the night before, Kaito had called him, telling him and Toga were going to the bar and that he should go. And some other bullshit about friends needing to spend time together so as not to drift apart.

Zero didn't believe him for a second. Kaito was never up to anything good, he loved to make things move, and stir things up. Kaito had been that way since they were kids. There had to be some other reason for the sudden get together at the bar, Zero had just yet to find it.

"Can we leave now?" asked Zero with a glance at Kaito. Zero had already been there an hour with Toga, and Kaito had only gotten there half an hour ago. He had been late to his own set up date.

"Aw, already?" asked Kaito with fake hurt. He knew how Zero felt, and was only pushing his buttons. He loved to do that, but Zero tried not to let it get to him, "and here I went to all the trouble to set this up. Why don't you get that pole out of your ass and enjoy yourself?"

"I do not have a pole up my ass." Growled Zero

"Oh? Can you prove it?" asked Kaito with a grin. Zero kept quiet and glared at the teen with annoyance. Kaito's grin widened, "You can't, can you? I could check if you wanted." Kaito made a move to do as he said, getting off his seat and going over to Zero.

"Kaito." Hissed Zero, when Kaito ran a hand over his face, "What? I know you like it, Zero. You don't have to hold back-"

"god dammit, set your ass down, Kaito and leave Zero alone." Toga yelled at him, turning from the game and glaring at the teens "You two are acting like retards" Toga turned to Kaito, "Since we've been here, you've done nothing but sexually harassing Zero. And you" He turned to Zero, "need to get that pole out of your ass, and lighten up." With a last deadly look at the teens he turned back to the game on the TV.

"I do not have a pole up my ass..." Zero murmured quietly to himself.

The table fell silent with Toga's words, an awkwardness in the air around them, as the rest of the room chattered about the game and enjoyed themselves and their drinks.

This was how it always was when the hunters got together. Zero and Kaito didn't get along, and ended up fighting, and Toga would get tired of their bitching and yell at them. It always happened; Zero could even guess the ending of the night. It would be just like every other, Toga would make up an excuse to leave and then after a few minutes Zero would do the same. After all, Zero had no reason to be there if Toga wasn't.

Zero knew it was stupid—Knew he was stupid for chasing after him like a love sick puppy, happy to just be in his presence. It was pathetic, and he should give up, find someone else and forget all about him, he knew his love would never be returned, but Zero couldn't let it go, try as me might. Zero had loved Toga since he had been a boy,

He had even told him once when he had been twelve. Toga had Grinned, ruffled his silver hair and told him that was nice. Zero had been so happy to have finally told him. It had meant nothing to Toga, just a childish crush that Zero would get over, but at that time it had meant everything to Zero. Toga had meant everything, then and now.

Toga had played along with Zero's love, and let him hold his hand on walks and even sometimes on rare occasions would let Zero kiss him. Nothing big, just a small kiss on the cheek, but it had made Zero so happy, had meant the world to him. Zero had thought Toga loved him, like how he loved him. The kisses had been Toga's and Zero's secret and no one else, not even Ichiru.

Zero realized he had been wrong when Toga had let him meet his girlfriend. It had been after a mission to find a level E. It had been Zero's first kill and to celebrate Toga had bought Zero Ice-cream and brought him to the nearby park to play. Zero had been swinging when he had noticed Toga talking with a women with long bright blond hair, and a smile so happy and sweet it made Zero sick.

Zero had gone over to Toga, to see who it was, and Toga had introduced her as his girlfriend. Her smile had gotten even bigger at that. She had called Zero cute, and teased Toga about liking kids.

Zero had seen the way she touched him, with playful fingers and words, none of which Zero understood, but Toga returned them. It had never been that way with Zero.

She has stayed with them till it was time to go, taking away most of the time with Toga, and shooing Zero away to go play.

The sun had been setting, gold and night red in the sky, star just starting to show in the blue of it, like white little snowflakes. It had been pretty, and Zero had thought it matched Toga in a wonderful way, mixing his natural darkness with the unearthly bright colors of the sky.

Toga had told Zero to wait in the car for him, but Zero hadn't. He had wanted to know what his master was hiding, because he had to be hiding something if he didn't want Zero there, and Zero's gut told him it had to do with that women.

Zero had hid behind a nearby bush, watching his master with wondering eyes. He didn't see what was to hide. Toga was talking with the women, nothing he couldn't do in front of Zero.

Then Toga had kissed her. Not a kiss like the ones Zero gave him, not something so small. It was a real kiss.

Zero ran away when he saw the women bring her hands to his raven black hair. He ran back to the car, feeling sick. He went to the back seat, not wanting to be by Toga in front in case he somehow saw that women on him.

It had been then that he found out that Toga didn't love him, at least not in the way Zero loved him. Zero had been made aware of his childish next to Toga. No matter how adult Toga treated him, or Zero acted, he was much different then Toga and that women. He was a kid, and that was all Toga saw him as.

Zero had acted like nothing was wrong when Toga asked about Zero's quietness, telling him that the Ice-cream had upset his stomach and nothing more.

Zero stopped holding Toga's hand after that, stopped kissing him, had even acted sick so he didn't have to see him. Zero hadn't ever felt so hurt, but after a time, Zero went back to his missions with Toga, and continued going to his house with Ichiru and Kaito.

Zero kept up his act after that, even when he met Toga's new girlfriends over time. Zero talked with them, but he hated them all. He had hated Toga for a time, but that passed, after all. He still loved Toga, no matter who he was with. Zero had come to realize that Toga would never love him back, and so Zero just stayed by him with a one sided love.

"Why the long face, Zero?" Kaito's voice brought Zero back to himself, and where he was, leaving that old memory.

"You looked like you were thinking. Such a cute expression you had. What ever could you be thinking of?" continued Kaito with a grin, reaching over to take hold of Zero's tie loosely, "could it be of you and me in bed?"

"Kaito!" yelled Zero and Toga at the same time, Toga's voice just a bit louder then Zero's.

Kaito was up in a flash, "I'm going to get us another round of drinks," he announced, "Wait for me just a little while longer, Zero." And then he was off to the bar before he could be yelled at once again.

Toga glared at the hunter for a long time, then looked away. Zero watched as he took a last drink of his beer then set it down.

Zero was secretly happy to be alone with the hunter, even if it would only last a moment till Kaito was back. Any time with Toga—alone or not—Zero loved.

"Why do you let him treat you like that?" Toga asked suddenly, his eye on Zero.

Zero took a moment to get his mind out of the gutter, and answer, "What?"

Toga sighed, "Why do you put up with Kaito's…teasing, you could stop it.?" Then he added, "Are we aloud to smoke in here?"

Zero shrugged, unsure. Everyone else was, "I haven't seen any signs saying otherwise."

"Good," Toga took out a cigarette from the packet he pulled out of his jacket pocket. He lit it on the candle in the middle of the table then popped it in his mouth.

Zero watched him breathe it in, and then exhale, gray smoke swirling about in the air before disappearing, the smell floating to Zero.

Zero breathed it in greedily. Zero would never smoke himself, but he loved the smell from Toga, loved how it clung to him. It fit him well, Zero couldn't imagine him without it, but at one time Zero had begged him to stop, because his parents had told him it could kill you. He had stop, for a time, when Zero had cried telling him that he didn't want him to die. It might have been only a week of Toga not smoking but it had made Zero happy.

"So?" Asked Toga, getting back to his question he had asked Zero.

Zero shrugged, "its better just to ignore it, or it will just get worse."

Toga cocked an eyebrow, "And you know this?"

"Yeah. Do you remember that night you had Ichiru, Kaito and me stay the night?"

Toga nodded, he would never forget. Kaito had teased Ichiru about his illness, and had gotten in a fight with Zero because of it, and by night no one was talking.

"It was after the fight, right before I went to bed. I did as you said and told him off, then went to sleep. I woke up around three in the morning to Kaito on top of me,"

Zero had Toga's full attention now, his bright blue eye on Zero, waiting for the rest of the story.

"I started yelling at him, trying to get him off, and then he kissed me."

Toga was quiet a moment, ash falling from his cigarette on to the table, "Why was I never told?"

"You really think I was going to tell you that I got kissed? Hell no. And I'm sure Kaito didn't want to tell either after I beat the crap out of him."

"What?"

"Remember how Kaito said he tripped on the stairs at night?" asked Zero.

Toga nodded.

"That was a lie."

Toga frowned, blowing out more gray smoke that seemed to dance in the air, "You should have told me."

Zero thought he heard anger or maybe a hint of jealousy in the hunter's voice, but Zero passed it off as something he just wanted to hear, and thought nothing more of it.

"Why?" asked Zero, unable to resist, "does it matter if I did something with him?"

Toga's gaze got hard and cold, "Yes. You were only a kid then, twelve I think, and Kaito four years older. What kind of adult would I be if I let two young boys do things in my own house?"

Zero looked away briefly. That hadn't been what he wanted to hear. He hadn't wanted to hear that Toga only worried about what others would think of him, because that's what he meant. Zero had wanted him to say…What had he wanted him to say? Zero wasn't sure, not that, though.

"Don't worry," said Zero, putting back on a fake face, "nothing else happened-"

"Oh, but they could if you wanted Zero" said Kaito coming over with their drinks, still none for himself, the cat grin still there on his face.

Toga gave him a warning look as he took his drink. Zero followed suite and took his as well.

He wasn't sure if it was Toga's words or if he was tired of Kaito's bullshit, but suddenly Zero wanted to play along in Kaito's game, "I've learned a few things, Kaito, and just so you know I would not be the one laying down taking it."

Kaito stared for a moment at Zero, along with toga, his mouth open a bit in shock, cigarette threatening to fall to the table.

Kaito recovered before Toga, and took his seat back at the table, leaning over to Zero, "Bring it. I'll take you tonigh-"

"You two better stop this right now-" hissed Toga, not liking where the topic was going in the least, more so by the fact that Zero was involved as well.

"Toga, you can play with us too, you're always welcome to join us." Said Kaito bringing an arm around Zero. Toga fought for words, but found he didn't need to when a new voice cut in.

"So this is what hunters talk about in their free time. Why am I not surprised?"

Zero nearly fell from his chair at Kaname Kuran's voice. Kaito let go of Zero, giving a gasp that Zero would have made fun of him for, had he not been taken over by shock at the pureblood being there.

Toga seemed to be the only one not in a state of shock, and glared at the pureblood. "What are you doing here, Kuran?" he hissed. Making a move that told Kaname he had a gun with him and he wasn't afraid to use it on him.

Kaname gave him a bored look, like he was trash and of no threat, "I would like to know the same thing really," he said almost more to himself then to the three hunters, and then added, "Yuuki said she was invited by Kiryu here tonight, but wanted me to wait for her as she had a few things to take care of."

Zero was recovered now, and was standing up facing Kaname, "I didn't invite Yuuki. So you can just go home, Or I'll make you leave." He growled at the pureblood.

"Make me?" he questioned, "that's as likely as you smiling. Yuuki asked me to wait for her, and wait I shall," Kaname's gaze went to the hunters around the table and then back to Zero, "to think I would find _this. _I must say, Kiryu I am surprised."

"kuran!" hissed Zero, with venom in his voice.

"Zero sit down," Ordered Toga glaring at his student till he did as told. He didn't want his student doing something stupid, and he could see it coming.

"I see you have yourself a dog, Toga." Kaname said with one last glance at Zero, "so well behaved too."

Toga continued before Zero could react to Kaname's comment, "Kuran, Just don't do anything to be put on our list."

"I never do." he said all too sweetly to the hunters, then left to find a seat. The three men watched him as he went to a table close to the bar, and sat, looking oddly in place and relaxed.

"Why the hell would he say I invited Yuuki?" hissed Zero low so the pureblood couldn't hear him, and turned to the hunters, "I haven't talk to her at all." It was true, Zero hadn't even seen Yuuki in a last month, not since the fight with Rido. She had left the school and gone with Kaname. There was no way she could of known that Zero would be there at the bar that night.

"Are you sure?" asked Kaito, with just as a low voice.

Zero nodded with a serious look, "I'm sure as hell."

"Did you tell any of the students?" asked Toga in a hushed voice that didn't match him at all, "ones that might know the Kurans?"

"I didn't," Zero had told Yori he would be leaving the school that night, just as a small note, and he hadn't told her where either. She wouldn't tell, not to Yuuki anyway. And Zero had also told the headmaster, but once again hadn't told him where he was going. Zero couldn't see who would have sent the invite.

Toga took a look at the vampire across the room, "We'll have to stay here till he leaves." Both Zero and Kaito knew this already. This was a human bar, one without any vampires in it. It would be dangerous to let a pureblood be there unwatched. With all the drunks around, you never knew how the pureblood would act.

Both younger hunters nodded their answer. They knew their job.

The night was moving too slow, much too slow for Zero. The pureblood was still there, chatting with a few people in the bar, and having a few of the women in the bar flirt with him. That had got the hunters on edge, but Kaname had turned them away with a smile that made Zero's skin crawl.

This reminded Zero all too much of school, of the days where he had to watch the night class, skipping sleep because of it, Of the days where he would watch the school grounds with Yuuki by his side.

Zero got himself another drink.

Yuuki had been away for Zero to forget about Toga. She had been his way out. Zero had made himself care for her, telling himself it was love. And it had worked, for a time. Zero had thought he cared for the girl, cared if she liked him back, but on the day when he and Yuuki had fallen into the pool at school, and Toga had appeared, Gun in hand, had showed Zero that his feelings hadn't change. His fake, forced love shattered in his presence. Zero felt love for the hunter even when he threatened to kill him.

After that Zero still tried to make his fake love real, he didn't want to feel those things for the hunter anymore, because it hurt, and he hated feeling—of knowing that Toga would never feel the same, that Zero was still just a kid to him. Toga Didn't want him, didn't want anything to do with him, just like on that night.

Zero had grown away from Toga, but the night his family died, when his life was changed, Zero saw all too clearly how far away he was from Toga, and what Toga viewed him as.

After that night, Toga had stopped seeing Zero. No, not the type of just looking at someone, Toga had stopped seeing Zero as a person and only as one of _them._ Toga had looked at Zero with disgust and pity. That might have hurt the most.

In Zero's time of most fear and need, the one person who he had grown up thinking would be there for him always, saw him as a monster.

Zero had begged him to let him stay at his house, and not Cross's, but Toga had refused and wouldn't hear a word of it. He had told Zero he couldn't care for him.

And so Zero was sent to Cross's, where his darkness only grew.

Zero had another drink.

Would Toga look at him the same way now? Zero was scared to find out; he didn't want to see _that _look again. It would break him, and leave him as an empty shell.

Pathetic, he knew, that he wanted Toga to see him as Zero again, but was too scared of the truth to find out.

Pathetic, worthless, a monster, and stupid, Zero was all those things; he hid behind harsh words, and unreal feelings to protect himself. He had done it so often that sometimes Zero couldn't even tell what was true and what the lie was.

The more you hid what you felt, the more you lied, the easier it became, till it was just a part of you, of who you were. So mixed up that you couldn't tell where the lie started and you began.

This night was getting worse and worse for Zero. This was why he hated drinking; it made him remember things that he didn't want too, yet the dullness of his mind, losing himself in the alcohol brought a sort of bliss to Zero.

Zero set his drink down. He couldn't drink anymore even if he wanted too and he did want too. His head was spinning and his stomach turning, indicating that he could throw up at anytime. And he didn't want that, it would rid him of that dull feeling.

Zero's eyesight was cloudy and unfocused, shapes losing their outline, and colors blurring into each other like water and blood. He wasn't sure where Kaito had gone, he had randomly disappeared a few times either talking to Kaname or flirting with random women, but always doing _something. _Unlike Zero and Toga who had just sat there drinking for more then an hour, watching the pureblood.

Zero hoped that the bar would close soon then they could leave, but it was a lost hope. That night the bar would be open till sun up for some random reason Zero couldn't remember right then. It just had to be the night they were there too.

"Damn," Zero looked up at Kaito's voice, he was coming up to them, finally with a drink in his hand, not even half way empty. His cheek had a bit of red lipstick on it, "You two look horrible. How much did you guys drink?" he asked taking a seat, and wiping the red from his face with his sleeve.

Toga tried to meet his eyes but failed, his gaze wavering, and glossy, "I think…like six?"

Zero couldn't even remember the number of drinks he himself had had, nor even take a guess at the number. So he just shrugged his answer.

Kaito threw a thumb at the Pureblood, "he had a few drinks. I was surprised that he would at all. But then again," a grin came to his face, "you would know all about what he does, wouldn't you, Zero?"

Toga looked at Zero with a _what the fuck_ look, "W...what?" Zero slurred, full of the alcohol he'd had.

"Aren't you two close? You did spend a lot of time together at school." asked Kaito still grinning. Zero wondered when he wasn't smiling or showing his teeth.

'N...No, I hate him." Replied Zero, with what at that time he thought was with hate in his voice, but it turned out more half assed and drunk.

"Hmm. I must have heard wrong then." And with that, Kaito was once again leaving the table to talk with people in the bar.

Zero watched after him, still trying to make sense of what he had said when he felt eyes on him. Zero turned to Toga, midnight blue gaze on him.

"What did Kaito mean?" he asked groggily.

"Hell if I know…"

The table went quiet again, and Toga turned away, leaving Zero to wonder about Kaito's words. Didn't everyone know he hated that Kuran? That he hated all purebloods? Why would Kaito ask him something like that, when he knew all of that?

"Do you think Kaito is up to something?" Toga asked suddenly, looking at Zero once more, looking just a bit more sober.

"Huh?" asked Zero stupidly, having missed the question.

"isn't it odd this sudden invite to the bar by him? Then that pureblood showing up?"

Zero thought about it for a moment, glancing at Kaito who was once again talking to Kaname, the pureblood looking somehow odd to Zero. It was weird, but Kaito didn't know the Kurans, nor would he ever talk to vampires.

"He's always up to something, but I don't think he had anything to do with Kuran," Zero answered after thinking about what to say. His voice was more clear now, the alcohol wearing off. Vampires didn't get drunk for long times, and he was already recovering.

Toga nodded a bit, "I guess not. Just things don't feel right…" Toga said, almost seeming to talk to himself at the end of his words, as if thinking about them.

Zero was about to say something more when he was interrupted by the very person in question, "Zero, Toga!" he hopped over to them, and Zero couldn't help but think of him as one of those little dogs women had in their purses, all jumpy and hyper, looking to cause trouble. "You have to watch," He pointed to a corner of the bar where a karaoke box was, that Zero hadn't noticed was there till then, along with a TV and microphones.

Standing in front of the box, holding one of the microphones was Kaname. He was looking at the crowd with a high and mighty look, waiting for the song that he had picked to start.

Zero stared opened mouth, along with Toga.

Music began to play, and Zero recognized the song form the radio. It was _Shaggy - It Wasn't Me._

Zero watched as Kaname began to sing, following the words with perfect timing. He couldn't tell if the pureblood was good or not, only that he was in fact singing…Kaname Kuran was_ singing. _By the way the crowd cheered, Zero guessed he was good, though.

Kaito was cracking up next to the table, laughing and whistling at parts of the song he liked.

Kaname was getting near the end of the song, and Zero was thankful for it. He wasn't sure he would ever be able to think of him as the same again…Then the pureblood turned to him, out stretching a hand in Zero's direction, his cheeks a light pink, and eyes clearly on him, then sang, "_picture this, we were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor"_

The room turned to Zero, every pair of eyes on him, even that of the hunters, making Zero want to die right there and then and disappear. Kaito was almost crying now.

Kaname went back to the song, and seemed to lose interest in Zero, as did the rest of the room, that is everyone besides Toga. He was staring at Zero, with a look Zero had never seen before. Anger, shock, and…Zero wasn't sure what to call it. But the look made a chill run down his back. Toga had never looked at him that way. Not even as a kid when he had been bad.

The look changed in an instant to one of just anger and hate, targeted at Zero.

Zero watched Toga—unsure of what to say—as he pushed back from the table, with such force that the chair screeched on the floor, though no one but Zero seemed to notice. The rest of the room was cheering for Kaname to do another song, and by the look on his face, Zero guessed he was going to.

"Follow me." Toga told Zero, walking past him, his voice cold and hard as ice. Zero followed him in the direction of the door out of the bar.

Kaito popped up right before Toga had even touched the metal door, "Where are you two going? We have to watch the pureblood-"

"You're going to watch him till he leaves," Toga's voice held a frightening tone to it, both threatening and commanding, "you are not to let him out of your sight till he does, at any cost. Do you understand?"

Kaito nodded his head fast, backing up just a bit from the hunter.

Toga grabbed Zero's arm roughly and pulled him out of the door without another word.

...O.o.O.o.O.X.O.o.O.o.O...

Zero and Toga had walked in silence the whole way to Toga's house. Zero had tried a few times to say he was sorry, because he had to have done something wrong for the hunter to be so mad, and tried asking what Toga was upset about, none of which Toga replied to. He only pulled Zero along without a word, not having let go of his arm since leaving the bar.

Zero had sobered up all the way, and was sure Toga had as well by the way he walked, and smelled. Something was gnawing at the pit of Zero's stomach, getting deeper and deeper with Toga's silence, with every step they took.

They walked up to Toga's house, it hadn't been far from the bar, just a few blocks, but it had seemed to take for ever to get there for Zero. Toga hasn't told him where they were going and Zero had only realized when they had been half way there.

Toga opened the front door, pulling Zero inside with him, snapping on a light as they walked down the short hallway to the living room.

Even as fear gripped Zero, he still took the smell and look of the house in. He hadn't been there since his family's death, but not much had changed. Just a few things were different. Mostly the sitting furniture, and a few new photos hanging from the walls.

It smelled like Toga, like smoke and his skin. It added a somehow lonely feeling to the house that Zero didn't recall being during his childhood. The carpet looked the same, soft looking and clean. The walls were dull colors, but not unpleasing to the eye. Not bright, Toga couldn't stand bright.

Suddenly Zero became aware that Toga had long since let go of his arm. He looked over at the hunter that had his back to him, muscles tense under his shirt.

"Toga?" Zero asked unsurely, not getting any closer, but letting him know he was there, "what's wrong?"

Toga seemed to tense even more at Zero's words, shoulders tight.

He said something so low that Zero couldn't hear, "What?"

Toga spun around, causing Zero to take a step back from the anger on his face, "I don't know!" he yelled, "I don't know what's wrong with me." Toga ran a hand through his raven hair, blue eye now looking at the floor and not at Zero, "I don't know…"

"Are you angry with me?" asked Zero, with a calm voice.

Toga looked confused for a moment, "no! I…no, I'm not." Toga let out a tired sigh, and looked at Zero once more. His gaze looked almost hurt, "Are you with that pureblood?"

Zero was speechless for a moment. Why would Toga ask him that? Of course he wasn't, Shouldn't he know that? Didn't he know Zero well enough to know that Kaname wasn't the type of person he would ever consider dating? How could he ask him that?

Anger flared in Zero. He had been pulled here, with out knowing where the hell he was going, had been ordered around, and now Toga was asking this? It wasn't fair. "What the hell does it matter to you?" Growled Zero, "Does it matter if I slept with him?"

Toga's hands were balled now, finger digging in to his palm, "Yes, it matters! It matters a lot! You're a hunter you can't be with a pureblo-"

"What the fuck? You can't tell me that! I can be with anyone I want, whether you like it or not!" Zero was yelling now, anger flowing freely, and Toga was angry as well, yelling right back.

"I can tell too whether you like it or not, I'm older then you!"

"That doesn't count for shit, Toga and you know it!"

They had gotten closer now, almost touching they were so close.

Zero had never felt so angry, so angry at Toga. Why had he asked him that? God, it felt cruel, like he was just trying to break him. Zero loved Toga, yet he asked him things like that? What did it matter to him anyway? Zero had put up with what ever slut he had gone out with, had acted happy for him. Why couldn't he do that for Zero, even if the love wasn't real? It wasn't fair. Toga had no right to act like it mattered to him who Zero went out with.

Zero's voice went cold, filled with hate for the hunter, "After you abandoned me, you have no right to say it matters to you."

Toga was cut short, mouth open but no words coming. His blue eye was staring at him in shock, "abandoned you?" he questioned, "Never did-"

"I begged you to let me live with you, but you said you couldn't care for me! You couldn't care because of what I was going to become right? You couldn't care for a monster like me."

The room went quite with Zero's words. His chest heaved, his breathing uneven, but all else quiet. Even the clock in the kitchen seemed to quiet.

Zero glared at Toga. He hoped he made him hurt, made him hurt like he had hurt him when he had been a kid in need of someone to be there for him. He hoped he saw that Zero hated him, even if it would only be for that moment.

"That's what you thought?" said Toga softly, with sad eyes.

Zero didn't reply, but his eyes said it all.

Toga fought for words for a moment, then seemed to give up, his body untensing, and shoulders sinking.

Suddenly Zero felt himself be swing around and pushed down to the sofa. Landing without hurting himself, but left with a feeling of surprise and anger.

Zero opened his mouth to yell at the older hunter, when lips came down on his own roughly, cutting off his voice. Large hands holding him there by his wrists. Toga forced his tongue into his mouth, overpowering Zero.

Zero fought after recovering himself, pushing the male off of himself, breaking free of the hands holding him and pushing Toga away.

Zero wiped his mouth, yelling, "what the fuck? What the hell-"

"I couldn't care for you when I had these feelings, Zero!" Toga interrupted, his face a shade of light red Zero had never seen before on him.

Zero stared at him in blank bewilderment.

Toga had said the words without meaning too, they had slipped, Zero had forced them out of him. Toga hadn't intended to kiss him either, but his body had moved without thinking and it just…happened.

After all that work at not doing just that, telling himself—forcing himself to not bow down to that wanting, of wanting to feel Zero. He'd broke so easily.

Zero's face had looked so hurt, and sad, with an openness Toga hadn't seen in him since he'd been just a small boy. Toga had made him look that way.

Toga had reacted to that face. He didn't want to see Zero like that, looking that way because of_ him. _Because of something he'd said so long ago and not known it hurt him.

Zero as a monster? Toga had never thought of Zero as such a thing—would never. Zero was something completely different to him, and it didn't matter what Zero was or had become. Toga hadn't noticed it till he was far too deep in to change it, back when both he and Zero had been younger.

Toga hadn't been surprised when Zero had told him that he loved him. That was something kids did, they had 'crushes' on older people, like their parents or idols. Ichiru had told Toga he loved him as well once, but then—just as kids do- forgot all about it in less then a week. Toga had thought Zero would be no different, plus he thought it was cute to see him act that way when he was usually so reserved and quiet. Toga had thought it might bring him out of his shell a bit, so he had encouraged it.

Zero would follow him around like a little duckling at the beginning, hardly leaving his side when he didn't have too. Toga hadn't minded it if it was Zero. He liked the kiryus, as much as he liked his time alone by himself. He had liked being the twins' teacher, and enjoyed having someone who relied on him.

But as time went on, Zero didn't lose the crush. Toga had ignored it; Zero was after all just a kid.

After a few weeks Zero had started holding his hand, getting braver with each time, till he didn't ask if he could hold Toga's hand or not and just did.

Zero had come out of his shell; he was making more friends, talking more, and looking even happier. His parents had been happy, and had wanted Zero to spend even more time with Toga if it made him like that. And so Zero had, staying the nights once a week and Toga taking him on more missions. But with more time together, Zero had seemed to want more from Toga.

To make him happy-because that's what Toga told himself he was doing—he let Zero kiss him. Only once in a great while, and he made sure it was nothing sexual. Zero was just a kid after all, and probably didn't even know what that word meant. The kisses were nothing, Toga felt nothing for them. Or so he told himself.

Toga realized something was wrong with himself when Zero's parents had called for a chat, nothing very important, just random chit chat, but then they had mentioned that there was a girl at Zero's school who had a crush on him, she came to play at their house sometimes and followed Zero everywhere. Zero's parents had thought it was wonderful. Toga hadn't.

He was so puzzled at the feelings that he felt when he had hung up with them. It had been jealousy.

That was when he realized he might have gotten in too deep with Zero.

Zero was a child, he didn't know what real love was. Hell he didn't even know how to kill a vampire yet. Toga was scared of the feelings he had. They were wrong, and impure. Toga had to stop it, stop the feelings.

So he found girlfriends.

He had only been with her a week when Zero had met her. She had been nice, and didn't have a bad body, but Toga had hated the way she talked to Zero, like he was beneath her.

Toga had broken up with her after that.

He found other women, all happy to be with him, but with each moment he spent with one of them, Toga found himself comparing them to Zero, comparing them to a child. By then Toga's thoughts had become filled with Zero. The wrong types of thoughts. Toga hated himself for it, but couldn't stop it.

Zero had become closed off again, and only caused Toga to worry about him, and think about him all the more.

Zero had completely stopped holding Toga's hand, or showing any affection to him. Toga hadn't known he would long for it, miss the feel of Zero's small hand in his own, or the feel of his skin on his cheek.

Toga had to stop the feelings. He knew it, so he pretended that he felt nothing for Zero, it was harder than he had thought it would be, but he slowly got the hang of it, of blocking the young hunter in training from his mind. They both had stopped any friendship they had had before.

Still Toga knew he had the feelings, no matter how he seemed not to. He couldn't be alone with Zero anymore, not if he wanted to keep Zero safe. So Toga hadn't.

Then Zero's parents had been killed, his family killed in cold blood, leaving Zero the only one alive, as the soul survivor.

That night had been the worst. Toga had been the one to take in Zero after that, till the hunter council knew what to do with him, now that he was losing his humanity, becoming what hunters were taught to kill and hate.

Zero had looked broken, his eyes glazed over, never looking at anyone in the eye. And not talking to anyone, not even Toga. He hadn't cried, not even once, outside anyway.

Toga had been angry, beyond angry. How could anyone—human or not—do that to a small boy? Do that to Zero. Toga hated the pureblood that had done that to him.

He had never felt such rage. He wanted to help Zero, would of done anything he asked in a heart beat, even kill the pureblood who had hurt him, no matter the trouble he would be in. For Zero, Toga would do anything. By then, he knew that without a doubt.

Toga wanted to help Zero, even if he didn't know how. Zero needed help, needed it from Toga. Maybe if he asked the council they would let him stay with him…

Stay with him when he had these feelings?

No, Toga couldn't. He couldn't keep Zero. He couldn't when he thought of him in the wrong way. He couldn't care for Zero in the way he needed.

Cross had been the only person Toga could think of that might know how to help Zero, to help him back to his feet.

When Toga had told Zero who he would be staying with from then on, Zero said his first words since his family's death.

He had begged Toga to not make him go, in a panicked voice full of fear. He begged for Toga to let him stay, stay with him there at his house. Toga has refused. He knew he couldn't no matter if Zero begged and cried for it.

When asked why, Toga had told him the only reason he could tell him without letting him know of his wrong feelings "Because I can't care for you."

Toga had said it out loud before he had time to think it.

He turned to Zero who sat at the sofa, looking up at him wide eyed.

Toga still felt the same feelings, and more. He wanted more from Zero; even then he couldn't stop his eyes from straying over his fine, muscled body. He wanted so much from him, that he almost couldn't bare it.

"Do you understand now, Zero?" Toga asked slowly, "do you understand I couldn't keep you when I felt these wrong feelings for you?" Toga hated saying it, hated letting him know how unclean he was.

"I wanted you, Zero, So much. I loved you…Love you."

Toga had never said something so…open, and caring. This was the first time he had told anyone he loved them in a long, long time. He hated how he sounded, so mushy, but he needed Zero to know, to not think that Toga hadn't taken him in because of what had happened to him.

Zero's face was a mix of emotions, raging from shock to anger to tenderness, and back again.

Toga willed him to understand, to forgive him, and…no, he couldn't hope for that. It was far too late to hope for something like_ that _with Zero. Toga would be lucky if Zero ever talked to him again.

Zero really had grown since then. He was nearly as tall as Toga, just a few inches shy, but his frame was smaller, lighter built. His body was beautiful; he was beautiful, with his fine silver hair, lavender eyes and pale moonlight skin. He looked how writers would describe as something other worldly. And he was. Sometimes it amazed Toga that anyone could look so stunning. No, Zero was the only one who looked that way.

He was so light looking, like moonlight itself, stunning and untouchable.

Zero had looked that way since being a child. He and Ichiru had always gotten comments about how they looked, but Zero was different than then.

He had appeal to other genders, his body was fully grown, not lacking anything in looks or things Toga couldn't see. His voice was both deep and silky, unlike Toga's own gruff one.

Toga wanted badly to touch his skin, to feel his warmth, to see if he really was like moonlight and untouchable.

Toga held the urge back, and stood where he was. He wouldn't touch Zero, it wasn't right—

"That's why?" Zero said slowly, "That's why you said that?"

Toga watched as the teen got off the sofa slowly, and didn't say anything, just waited for him quietly.

"What a bunch of bull." Zero was close to Toga now, "you're an idiot, Toga."

Toga was pulled into a kiss by Zero, hands finding its way in to his raven hair, fingers entwining themselves in the dark strands.

Toga kissed him back, forgetting any reason for not doing it before, and losing himself.

Toga pushed Zero to the sofa once again, taking a place over top of him, and asking for entrance into Zero's mouth.

Zero gave it wholeheartedly.

Their tongues played together, fighting for dominance, Toga finding it harder then he thought it would be, but winning in the end. He explored in Zero's mouth, finding fangs just barely hidden, almost fully extended.

Zero was hungry. And Toga didn't care.

He moved his hand under Zero's shirt, feeling from his low waist to his chest, his skin soft, and warm. He felt Zero shivered under his touch, new to this sort of thing, and loving it. Zero moaned at the feeling of Toga playing with the tender pink skin there, lightly twisting is between his fingers.

Toga broke the kiss, needing air.

"That's it?" smirked Zero, "I thought you would have been better."

"You're cocky for someone so new at this."

"Who says I'm new?"

Toga had to smile at the playful smile Zero gave, full of wanting.

"Oh, you're new, Zero." Toga told him as he let his hand go to lower, harder parts of Zero.

He let out a little yelp at the touch, causing Toga to laugh a bit.

"Still think you aren't new?" asked Toga.

Zero glared at him, with no real hate, but soon changed back to his lustful face that Toga loved to see on him, even if it was only the second time.

"Why don't we find out?" Zero asked undoing the buttons on Toga's shirt, "then we'll see what you know after being with all those women."

"Don't be jealousy," Toga told him, whispering it into his ear, "I never did with them what I'm going to do with you."

Zero tried to hide a blush, but Toga saw it, and Zero knew it.

They both weren't going to stop, and neither one wanted too. They would deal with any problems in the morning. Toga would tell Zero his worries of being with someone so young, and Zero would let him know everything he kept hidden from him over the years.

"Let's go to your bedroom."

...O.o.O.o.O.X.O.o.O.o.O...

Kaito was leaving the bar now, at around five in the morning, the pureblood prince having just left after being dragged out of the bar by his wife. He wouldn't remember anything of that night; Kaito had made sure of that with the drugs he had slipped into his drink, after getting him drunk.

Kaito hadn't planned on the Kuran Prince showing up, he had wanted the female, but it had worked out anyway, maybe even better then Kaito had thought it would. After all Toga has gotten really pissed when the Kuran had sung those words to Zero, which Kaito had convinced him to do.

Yes, Kaito had been up to something that night, having Zero and Toga go to the bar. He had been sick of watching them act like they hated each other. He had known for a longtime that they liked one another. It had been sickening at first, but Kaito quickly got over it. Who was he to judge after all?

The whole night had been planned to get them together, and it seemed to have worked. Kaito had called both Toga and Zero five times and no one picked up.

Kaito hadn't done it for Zero or Toga, he had done it for himself so he didn't have to keep watching them act so…so. He didn't even know what to call it. But he would never do anything for Zero, he was a vampire and Kaito hated him. He had only done this for himself and no one else.

Kaito walked to his car in the bar parking lot. This had been a tiring night for him, and maybe a bit of fun, but now he was going to go home, take a shower, and sleep.

**A/N**

**I finally finished! *does crazy happy dance* I thought I would never finish this. Not after I erased it the first time after being on the computer for FIVE hours writing it. Yes, I know I should have saved, and I thought it had, but…I don't even want to think about it. From now on I'm making sure to save _everything, _no matter what. This is the first time I've felt the pain of not having something saved and I never want to feel it again. T_T **

**I must thank my friend who helped me check for spelling and grammar fuck-ups. Thank you so, so much!**

**As a little side note to the story, Toga had thought about telling Zero's parents that he liked their kid, but had thought better of it when he thought of all the bad outcomes that could happen. **

**Toga: Mr. and Mrs. Kiryu, I would like to ask your permission to date your son.**

**Parents: …**

**Mother Kiryu: …Honey, get me my gun.**

**Father Kiryu: We'll give you a two minutes head start to get away, but don't forget, our family is not known for their great math skills.**

**Toga: *Runs like hell***


End file.
